One of the suggestions in it was to create a to do-list. Mark what should be done today, this week or this month, and then stick to it. I'm trying this, but keeping it private, and it's on my to do-list for this week to get it organized in a neat little folder (physical copy).
One technique is to keep some form of journal, and write every day. Also, do stuff. So why not try that, but publicly. On blogger. Do something worth blogging about, every day. OKAY some of this stuff might be a bit dull to read about, the point is that the question 'what i've been doing today' shall not be answered with any variety of 'nothing'
I shall keep this to one post though, to avoid littering my blog with it. MY self-help book didn't recommend keeping your 'diary' as a blog, showing a very legitimate concern about what one would like to put on the internet. I will try to keep it light and not get into anything too personal, but I'm not really too concerned. At worst, this project fails and will be an exceptionally dull blog post.
Monday
Got up late and been home all day, made scrambled eggs on toast for myself and boyfriend who's working night shifts at the moment, cleaned the kitchen, and hoovered downstairs. Decided to wash the kitchen floor tomorrow and enquired about the whereabouts of a suitable bucket. Brightened my moods a bit to do some housework, it made me feel like I'm not completely useless. Boyfriend is a bit concerned about whether I'm depressed at the moment, since his presence has typically broken any routine and therefore I haven't felt depressed with him around before. I explained I've had it on and off for years, and I've just stepped up my effort to fight it off because I need to get on with life and not cripple myself. He left for work, I painted my nails
I worked on my painting for a bit, then got stuck into a work project. Pleased with myself for completing what I set as a goal for myself for today, rather than give up and think 'I'll do it later'. The last thing I did today was a questionnaire for a job I'm applying for. That made me feel confused and sad again, I don't think it went very well, the questions were quite frustrating and the answers were all too similar. But hey - at least it's done.
Seriously though, do anyone know the answers to those questions prior to any training? Seems a bit odd to me.
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| Peach Nails! Whee! |
Tuesday
Hey, guess what? Project failed. Already. Yup, not really anything worth talking about today. Worked a bit on that project I mentioned, had a quick tidy in the kitchen, watched some videos online. Got a headache and felt awful. Later, I started to feel a strange pain in my mouth (seemingly from the underside of my tongue, pretty far back) that made swallowing extremely painful, in such a perfect spot that mouth, throat and ear hurt all at the same time. Physical pain preventing me from doing stuff I intend to do when my mind alone can't stop me? Unheard of. I'm sure that's never happened before. Only EVERY SINGLE TIME I set out to do something.
Wednesday
Slept badly as I woke up every time I had to swallow. Did you know you do that quite a lot? Anyway, got up, boyfriend went out to get me some ibuprofen.What would I do without him eh <3
Anyway. Took that, worked well and I fell asleep on the couch. Then I managed to do a bit of work, followed by some time working on a painting. The painting has got to the stage now when its size is less significant because it's broken down into different parts. Rather than a huuuge canvas, it's 3 horses, foreground and background that can be worked on individually. I like that. There is nothing more frightening than a blank canvas. Maybe except phone calls. I hate phone calls. |
| Painting so far |
Thursday
Not much to report. Got up late, worked quite efficiently on the football project.
Also made a stir-fry for dinner, loosely based on the BBC Good Food Chicken Chow Mein recipe, using the ingredients we had in the fridge. It turned out OK... Nothing special. A bit bland. More soy sauce and ketchup next time I think.
Friday
Same as before. Throat/ear/mouth started hurting again. Worked on my project for about 5 hours, then put in a few hours on my painting, until I was to tired to paint anymore. Hope to finish it this weekend, want to start working on a new one. Went on Dead Rising for a bit, getting a bit dull because I've missed most of the missions - couldn't do the Backup for Brad on time, since I was too inexperienced and too low level to do anything other than walk in, get shot and die over and over and over and over, so when I finally got around to it (enough health, orange juice and decent weapons to NOT die) it was too late to continue that storyline. Oh well. Boyfriend assures me I can play through just surviving for another 12 hours (game time, duh), then start again at a higher level and do more of the quests and story missions and save people and all that stuff that drives a game forward. Putting buckets on zombie heads and running over them with a lawnmower is only fun for so long. Even if that is hilarious.
Started feeling a bit down again at night. Don't know why, got a few things done, and didn't really suffer from loads of negative thoughts - not that negative thoughts is much of a depression trigger anyway, it's more of a feeling. Heavy, dull and slow feelings that suck the joy out of everything. Then I start to think negative thoughts, because everything is useless, I'm uncomfortable around other people and generally being silly. Also, I'm about to run out of ibuprofen.
Saturday
Very dark day today, though it's nice and sunny outside. Guess the weather has less impact on my moods than I thought. Got little done on the football project as I found myself more often than not just staring at the wall. Had trouble facing my painting. Felt lonely, wanted to cry, couldn't figure out any specific reason for it - life, in general, just feels empty and meaningless. I can't figure out why I'm down, but then again I can't find any reasons not to be. What do I enjoy? What's fun? What's pleasurable? What do I want?
Had a few drinks and watched Downton Abbey with the "in-laws" (not really in-laws since Boyfriend and I aren't married, but you now what I mean), that was nice. They're a laugh. My dad once said there is no way Boyfriend and I will ever get married if I get on with the in-laws. I LOLed, but not really bothered about whether or not we ever get married. Commitment is the same with or without the paperwork.
Sunday
Got ibuprofen and rolo-cookies. Won a pair of motorcycling boots on ebay. Should be quite safe on the back now. Guess it's only a matter of time until I'll want a bike, too. Got dressed up in a nice short skirt. Watched some production footage from The Hobbit on youtube, getting quite excited about these movies now, they look gorgeous. Just hope I'll be proved wrong about 3D, that's the only thing I'm slightly worried about. I'm not sold on 3D yet. The films I've seen weren't all that impressive to say the least, 3D added absolutely nothing to experience other than a headache.
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