Parents and Sweethearts: How to sabotage a Girl's Relationship (with her parents)

Well people, confession time. I don't have a great relationship with my mother. Never had. It used to be very much up and down, but lately, it's been mostly down. I can't stand her company, and it alters my behaviour, so right now (which effectively means forever and ever and ever...) my mother is mad at me for being rude to her or something.

Now while my relationship with my mother has been up and down over the years - I blame my upbringing for many of my bizarre hang-ups and anxieties, though she did have her enlightened moments too, so it's been good and bad - recently, over the last couple of years, us getting along has depended on me being overbearing and smile through any bulls**t. That works just fine as long as the conversation doesn't get personal.

And that's just the problem. Lately, when we do get together, it does get personal. She clearly disapproves of my decision to stay in England and live with my boyfriend, and acquired a habit of putting in 'as long as you're okay with it' about five times a minute, which clearly demonstrates to me that, if she was in my shoes, she would not be okay with it, and I shouldn't either.

The funny thing about all this is, of course, what every parent of a teenage girl knows or will soon discover: telling her you disapprove of her chosen sweetheart, or trying to sabotage her relationship, will only ever damage one relationship, and that's yours - with your daughter.  And my mother knows this.

Years ago, I was dating a guy who was, shall we say, not right for me. My dad picked up on this straight away, of course. His disapproval was not at all subtle and I started avoiding my dad, spending more time with my boyfriend instead. When I eventually did come to the same conclusion, the boy wasn't right for me, it was something I discovered all by myself, without daddy's help. This was also when my mother confessed she knew it wouldn't work, she just didn't say anything because
A) She didn't want to damage our frail mother-daughter relationship, and
B) Because she trusted me to discover it for myself.

So what has changed? Why suddenly this urge to try to come between me and my boyfriend by coming in with constant, not-so-subtle digs at him? Why on earth does she think, if I have to choose between them, I wouldn't choose the one who makes me happy every day over the one I could never please?

It's MINE.